Simple Pleasures
by The Inamorata
Summary: The doctor stood up, and as if she had read his thoughts, she patted him on the back with a warm smile. "The night is darkest before the dawn," she said. "I'm sure you'll find what you're missing."
1. Chapter 1

Author: The Inamorata

Title: Simple Pleasures

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. This is purely fanmade, and was not made for profit of any kind. Do not copy whatsoever.

Summary: The doctor stood up, and as if she had read his thoughts, she patted him on the back with a warm smile. "The night is darkest before the dawn," she said. "I'm sure you'll find what you're missing."

Author's Note: Finally writing a chaptered Gravitation story. I've got big plans for this, so if you liked my other oneshots please read this as well. As always, all reviews (good or bad) are greatly appreciated and will be responded to.

**Edit:** Added preview at the end of the chapter. I will be doing this for all chapters from now on!

--

**Chapter One**

It was a cold night. All the windows and doors in Yuki Eiri's apartment had been shut and locked, all the shades drawn to prevent anyone from looking in. Despite the chilliness, he decided not to run the heater. He had other ways of staying warm in mind.

Yuki Eiri lay on his stomach in bed, his head resting on his folded arms, turned slightly to his left to watch the sleeping figure beside him. The covers were pulled up halfway over his bare back, covering his long legs but revealing his feet sticking out at the bottom. He desperately craved a cigarette, but he feared that any slight movement, any flick of a lighter, any breath, would wake his resting partner.

"Hey... Yuki?"

Yuki was startled at the sound of Shuichi Shindo's voice. He had been sure that he was sleeping, and was surprised that he even had enough energy left to speak at all. He lay on his back, the covers pulled up to his chest, though he was still short enough that they covered the entirety of his lower body. His eyes had been closed, but they were open now, looking up at the ceiling.

"Hm?"

"We're going to be together forever... right?"

"... Mm hmm."

A small smile formed on Shuichi's lips as he rolled his body over, facing his partner. He snuggled in closer to Yuki, resting his head lightly on his shoulder and closed his eyes. Yuki smiled down on him and closed his eyes as well, enjoying the moment. A soft snore began to emerge from Shuichi's throat, and Yuki's smile turned into a frown. He definitely couldn't get a cigarette now.

**--Ten Years Later--**

"Shuichi Shindo? The doctor will see you now."

"Thanks."

Shuichi stood from the waiting room chair and began walking toward the office door. He followed the nurse down a hallway, then down another, until finally they reached a door adorned with a sign with his doctor's name. The nurse smiled and opened the door for him.

"Go ahead and take a seat, the doctor will be in here shortly."

"Thanks."

He didn't sit down. He never really enjoyed visits to the doctor, and didn't think a therapist would be much better. Even though it had been Hiro's suggestion, he didn't think he'd be able to get comfortable here. He walked to the window and peered out the blinds to the busy city street below. He wanted his one hour session to be over before it even started.

A door clicked behind him.

"Good morning, Shuichi, how are you doing today?"

Shuichi turned to see the doctor. She looked around his age, though a bit taller than him. Her light brown hair had been pulled back into a ponytail, her glasses pushed up to the bridge of her nose. Instead of a doctor's coat and a firm look she wore casual clothes and a soft smile. Shuichi guessed that she dressed that way to make her patients feel more comfortable. It was kind of working.

"Um... I'm fine."

"That's good, good. Go ahead and take a seat where ever you're comfortable."

Shuichi sat down on a burgundy couch next to the doctor's desk. He leaned forward slightly and folded his hands on his knees, in anticipation for the questions she might ask him. The doctor also took a seat at her desk, though she swiveled her chair to face him. She, too, folded her hands in her lap.

"So, Shuichi, has anything been bothering you recently?"

He thought for a moment. "Not really," he replied, shaking his head. "My career's been great and it's still going strong. I'm healthy. I'm on good terms with my parents and my band members. Everything's great, really."

"Are you happy?"

"I..." Shuichi opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn't know what happiness was anymore, but he didn't think he was feeling it. Happiness was writing lyrics. Happiness was performing live on stage in front of thousands of fans. Happiness was hanging out with the band members, making memories with people he loved, being with Yuki Eiri, feeling his warm body on his own cold skin...

He shook his head to get the thought out of his mind. "I feel like... I'm missing something."

"I see," the doctor said thoughtfully. "Do you know what it is?"

"Nn..." He stopped as Yuki came to his mind again. Had he really missed him this much, after so many years of not being together? He had never thought of him, never thought of the memories he had with him since then. It all hurt too much. It hurt to reopen those wounds. "Yeah... yeah, I do."

"Is it something you can try to get back?"

"He won't come back," he said, looking at his feet. He grabbed the cloth of his sweatshirt over his heart with his right had and squeezed it as hard as he could. He shouldn't have come here. "It hurts."

"Go ahead and lay down if it makes you feel more comfortable," she offered. Shuichi didn't move.

"You know, don't you, doctor? Yuki and me... it was in the papers..." He wasn't looking at her.

"Shuichi, you should know better than anyone that the tabloids can't be trusted," she said. "Anything I might have heard or not doesn't matter here. You're side of the story is the only one I can trust."

Shuichi looked up. Her face was serious, but as he looked up she gave him a warm smile. He couldn't tell if this one was real, or if it was a 'comfort smile' like the others. But it definitely made him feel a little better.

"Yuki... was the only person I ever loved," he said, making himself horizontal on the couch. "I still love him. We were together for seven years."

"What happened?"

Shuichi was quiet for a moment, staring up at the ceiling with his hands folded over his stomach. "Bad Luck finally got a world tour," he said. "We were all thrilled, and I wanted Yuki to come with me. Hiro was bringing his girlfriend, so I wanted Yuki to come too. But he wanted to work on his writing, so he insisted on staying home. He told me to go and have fun with the band, that it was finally our big break outside of Japan and I couldn't waste my time with him. So I left him in Japan.

"The tour was a huge success. Every venue we played at sold out, it was great. To finish off the tour, we had one last concert at the Tokyo Dome with a couple other bands. That place was huge, it was so much fun. After that I could go home, and even though the tour was so awesome I had been waiting for the day that I could go home since the day I left."

"You have a very strong love for him."

"Yes, I do," Shuichi said, then sighed before continuing. "But he wasn't there. He was gone."

"Gone?"

"Yeah. The apartment was empty, other than my stuff. All his things were gone, too. He didn't leave a note... and his cell phone number had been disconnected."

"Did he leave anything behind? Anything that might symbolize something?"

"The only thing he left was his lighter," Shuichi replied. "It didn't work anymore, so I'm thinking he just left it because it was trash. But it had a picture of him and I on it. It's really worn out, just one of those stickers you get from the photo booth machines. But it was still there."

"Did you keep it?"

Shuichi paused. "Yes. I still have it."

It was quiet in the room for a few moments. Shuichi had never spoken this much about Yuki since he had left, so it felt strange for him. He had never told anyone about the lighter, either. He had kept it to himself.

"You haven't seen him since?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Not once. I think... I think I know someone who knows where he is. But they won't tell me."

"Why won't they tell you?"

"They think he and I both are better off without each other. Maybe they're right."

"That's not true," the doctor said. "You love him because he makes you happy, right?"

Shuichi turned to look at her.

"There is nothing wrong with being with someone you love, being with someone who makes you happy, no matter who they are, no matter what their gender is, no matter what their age is. No matter what, if you are happy, no one else can tell you that you can't be with them."

Shuichi rolled this over in his mind. This woman sounded a lot like Hiro, and the things he would say to him. For some reason, it sounded so official when the doctor said it. She was a professional when it came to these kinds of things, after all.

"For seven years you lived together," she continued. "That must mean that for seven years, you made him happy, too."

She hit the nail on the head. Seven years... It had felt so much shorter than that, but seven years wasn't very long at all. Only seven years... he had only made him happy for seven years.

Involuntarliy, a tear ran down Shuichi's cheek. He sat up, and began to cry even more. Tears ran down his cheeks thick and fast. His nose started to run. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Three years of sadness and loneliness were finally coming out.

"I don't want to feel this way," he said between sobs.

The doctor handed him a box of tissues. "It's okay to cry every once in a while," she said. "It's proof that you're human, that you're alive."

"Then I don't want to be human!" He didn't mean to shout, he didn't mean to yell at her. She was trying to help. But the feelings he was having hurt him so much.

"The only reason you can feel so sad, the only reason it hurts, is because it means that there was something that made you really happy before. It's proof that you had happiness, it's proof that it was all real. It's proof that you'll be able to find it again."

He wiped his face with a tissue as the tears began to slow, though the droplets had already wet his neck and the collar of his shirt.

"Seven years is not such a little amount of time that it can be forgotten easily," she said. "I'm sure that where ever he is right now, he thinks of you constantly. You're not someone he can easily forget."

Shuichi stopped crying and laid down again, his nose still slightly running. Both he and the doctor were quiet for several minutes, letting him calm down and mull things over in his brain.

"Professionally, I'm not supposed to ask this," the doctor said finally. "But I think it might help you out."

Shuichi turned his head towards her. "Hm?"

"Have you read any of Yuki Eiri's books?"

Shuichi hadn't been expecting that question. "No," he replied, a little bit embarrassed. Seven years and he hadn't even read a single one.

"I probably shouldn't say this, but I've read every one," the doctor said. "And to be honest, the ones he produced over the span of ten years ago to three years ago were by far his best novels. Of course, this is my opinion. But there are also the bestseller lists and tons of reviews to back it up."

Shuichi said nothing. He turned his head back to the ceiling. By far the best... was that really true?

The doctor stood up. She walked towards a bookshelf that stood next to the window, a shelf that Shuichi hadn't noticed before. She pulled a rather large hardcover book off the shelf and dusted it off, then walked over to the couch.

"This is the one that I think is the best," she said as she handed it to him, and he sat up as he took it. The cover was olive green, and the title was printed in gold lettering. _Simple Pleasures_. Shuichi remembered when this novel of Yuki's had been released. It had been on the top of the bestseller list for weeks, and even won some kind of award. Even he knew that.

"You don't have to read it if you don't want to," she said. "But I think if you do, you might find out some things about him through his writing style. You might even get some hints as to where he is."

He traced the name of the book with his fingers. He had written this. Yuki had written this. It was something that he had created, from hours and hours of effort, Yuki had created this. Like the crying that Shuichi had done, it was proof that he was alive. Proof that he left a mark on this world. Proof of his existence.

"Thank you, doctor," Shuichi said, a small smile forming on his face. "I'm going to read it."

The doctor smiled, and he knew that this one was definitely real. Maybe it had not been a mistake to come here after all. He made a mental note to himself to thank Hiro later. The doctor checked her watch.

"Our hour is almost up," she said, sitting back down in her chair. "Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

Shuichi shook his head and stood. "No, I'm good. I actually feel a lot better," he said, and it was true. Despite the fact that he had opened old wounds, that he was thinking and talking openly and crying about the one man that hurt the most, he actually felt happy. Or rather, perhaps it wasn't happiness. Maybe that hadn't come yet. But it was definitely a feeling that was better than the one he had before.

The doctor stood up, and as if she had read his thoughts, she patted him on the back with a warm smile. "The night is darkest before the dawn," she said. "I'm sure you'll find what you're missing."

"Thank you," he said again. "Really... thanks."

"I'm glad I could help you out," she said. Together they walked out of her office and began the long venture down the hallways. "Let me know how you like the book. Do you want to make an appointment for next week?"

They reached the waiting room. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Next Wednesday, same time?"

"Sure. I'll see you then."

"Good luck, Shuichi."

He walked across the waiting room towards the exit door and pulled it open. Read one of his books, huh? As embarrassing as it was, he had never thought of doing that. He probably should have. It was something he should have done ten years ago.

Shuichi reached the elevator and pushed L for Lobby. The euphoric feeling he had had in the office was wearing down, but it wasn't completely gone. He stepped out of the elevator, and soon he was out on the city sidewalk. He wasn't paying any attention to his surroundings, just thinking, remembering...

"You should watch where you're going."

Shuichi had bumped into something, but that voice... could it be? He spun around, but all he saw was a crowd of people. Impossible. It couldn't be him, he couldn't be here. It would be too much of a coincidence. He had just imagined his voice, after spending an hour thinking about him.

He was gone, after all.

--

"Doctor? Your next patient is here."

The doctor was typing away at her computer, setting the time and date for Shuichi Shindo's next appointment. With a click the window she had open was closed.

"Send him in," she told the nurse, who nodded. The nurse handed her a clipboard, and a tall, blond man who smelled of cigarette smoke entered the room from behind her, and sat down on the couch.

The doctor took the clipboard as the nurse left the room, flipping through the pages until she came across the name. She looked down at the clipboard, then up at the man, then down again in disbelief. As much as she wanted to say something, as much as she wanted to ask, she couldn't. She was a professional, after all.

"Good morning, Yuki, how are you doing today?"

**--To Be Continued--**

Next Chapter Preview: This was no small matter. This was unbelievable, unthinkable, inexplainable... and it dawned on him that this was the reason the doctor had given him this particular book. Not because it was her favorite, or because it had the highest reviews. Because of _this._ This. This. This. This. _This_.


	2. Chapter 2

Author: The Inamorata

Title: Simple Pleasures

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. This is purely fanmade, and was not made for profit of any kind. Do not copy whatsoever.

Summary: This was no small matter. This was unbelievable, unthinkable, inexplainable... and it dawned on him that this was the reason the doctor had given him this particular book. Not because it was her favorite, or because it had the highest reviews. Because of _this._ This. This. This. This. _This_.

Author's Note: The first chapter got a great response, so I tried my best when making this one. It's turning out a little more dramatic and angsty than I had planned, but I still have a lot of hopes for this story. Thank you for reading! And, as always, all reviews (good or bad) are greatly appreciated and will be responded to.

--

**Chapter Two**

_"Next stop, Akasaka Mitsuke."_

Shuichi held the olive colored book in his hands, turning it over and over. He debated whether or not he should open it and start reading right on the train. He had already missed his stop, but he didn't want to get off. He would ride to the end of the line, then ride back. It would take at least an hour, but he didn't feel like going home anyway.

Yuki... what had happened to him? Shuichi wondered why he didn't ask himself this earlier. Why hadn't he tried harder to contact him? Why hadn't he pushed Touma and the others to tell him where he was?

He knew why. He had been trying to run away, just like Yuki was. Yuki was running away, and Shuichi was hurt by it. Every time Yuki left, every time Yuki said those kinds of things to him... Shuichi was hurt more than he himself even realized.

If Yuki really loved him, Shuichi concluded, then he wouldn't have left so suddenly like he did. Maybe what Yuki had for him wasn't even love at all, and was really only lust. Shuichi shuddered at the thought. All those nights together, doing things that no one else should ever know in the name of love... was that really real?

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming on. Headaches... Yuki used to get a lot of them. He shook his head, trying free his mind from thoughts of Yuki and from the pain. It didn't work, and the loud rushing of the subway and chatter of the other riders didn't help.

_"Next stop, Yotsuya."_

Shuichi snapped his eyes open. The book. He had to read the book. Somewhere in that book, there had to be an answer.

He opened the cover of the book to the very first page, which was blank. He was not letting any page go unread, whether it be a steamy sex scene or a list of copyrights. He turned to the next page, which had the title of the novel and nothing more. _Simple Pleasures._

The next page contained a list titled 'Also by Yuki Eiri.' Shuichi hadn't realized that he had actually written so many books, for there were at least fifteen titles on the page. He checked the copyright date: eight years ago. Yuki had been twenty-five, and had already written over fifteen novels, each of them at least three hundred pages like this one. Shuichi blushed, remembering all the times he had bothered Yuki while writing, and despite the situation he was in at the moment, he slightly regretted it. He shook the thought out of his mind; feeling sorry for the man who left him? How ironic.

Shuichi turned to the next page, which had only a few words written on it. As he read them, the book slipped out of his hands and onto the floor.

--

"I feel terrible."

The doctor blinked, having not expected that kind of reaction from him.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong? Go ahead and lay down, if you'd like."

"I made a mistake," he said, without moving. His sharp eyes were boring into hers, and for the first time as a doctor she felt slightly intimidated by her patient. This man and Shuichi Shindo were nothing alike based on the impression she got. "And I don't know how to fix it."

"What kind of mistake did you make?" she asked him, keeping up her professional appearance, though not really paying attention to what he was saying. This day had been so strange, this situation so scandalous. A patient who feels broken because he's looking for a man, and that very man showing up in her office in the very next appointment slot. She almost couldn't believe it. "Maybe I'll be able to help you."

Yuki didn't speak. The doctor didn't push him to reply, but let him think over his answer. Suddenly he reached in his pocket for something. "Mind if I have one?" he asked, pulling out a box of cigarettes.

"I-I'm sorry," the doctor said, taken aback by his request. Never had anyone asked to smoke in her office before. "Smoking isn't permitted in medical buildings. If you'd like to step outside..."

"No, that's okay," he said, cutting her off as he placed the package back in his pocket. "I'm not used to talking to people like this. Before, I--never mind..."

"Before?"

"No, it's nothing."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said, the strict yet kind tone of a teacher entering her voice. "Opening up is hard, but you'll find that it makes you feel a lot better."

Yuki sighed. "Before, there was someone I could say anything to, and no matter what, he wouldn't judge me or abandon me. He's not around anymore though."

She knew exactly who he was talking about, but she didn't let it be known. "What happened to him?"

"I left him."

His answer was quick and without hesitation, so fast that for the moments following there was an awkward silence. Finally, she asked the question that her professional side as well as her personal side strived to know the answer to.

"Why?"

Pause. "Can I have some water?"

"O-of course, I'll get you some." The doctor stood and walked over to the sink. She took a paper cup from the dispenser and turned on the tap, filling it with water until it was three-fourths full, then brought it to him and sat down again. As he took it, she could tell that his hands were shaking.

Yuki brought the cup to his lips and downed the water in one swallow. He still remained silent.

"This person... he was very important to you," the doctor said, wanting to move things along. "What sort of relationship did you have?"

Yuki cleared his throat. "I loved him," he said, his head turned to gaze out the window, "romantically. That was our relationship."

His eyes turned back to meet hers, his glare piercing her once again.

"What happened that made you want to leave?"

"I wanted him to focus on his career," he said. "At least that's what I told myself when I left. I'm not sure about that now, though."

"What do you think another possibility might be?"

"There might have been a point where I stopped loving him for who he was, and only lusted over his body," he said, looking at the floor. "So many times... I would disregard his feelings and use him for sex. He'd come home late at night, tired from working, and because I wanted to, he would do it, even if he was about to pass out from lack of energy. I knew... I was hurting him. And that's why I left."

"Sometimes... people would rather hurt themselves than see the ones they love be hurt," the doctor said. "I'm sure he would do something like that for you, because he loved you. Just like you hurt yourself by leaving him, thinking he would benefit. But I'm sure... I'm absolutely positive he loves you, and he was hurt just as much as you were when you left."

"But I don't know if _I_ love him," he said. "Appearance, sex, lust... maybe that's all it really was."

"Perhaps, but perhaps not," she said. "Without physical attraction, romantic love is nothing but a strong friendship, like a bond you might have with a brother or sister. Sex is part of the package."

"But is that all I ever wanted?" Yuki's voice had risen slightly, so he cleared his voice and lowered it. "How do I know if I ever really loved him or not?"

"Because if you didn't love him, you wouldn't be so worried about him the way you are now." The doctor's voice was stern. She was stating something that she felt was obvious, and she wanted to get her message across. "The fact that you are here today, telling me this, telling me that you made a mistake by leaving him, is proof that you loved him, and proof that you still do."

He looked up at her, speechless. He wasn't sure if she was right or wrong; he wasn't sure of anything anymore.

"If you don't believe me," she continued. "You could always ask him yourself. He would know better than anyone whether or not the love you had for him was real. And if you do choose to confront him, that would be the moment you discover whether the love between you two survived."

Yuki blinked and said nothing. He didn't have anything to say, or rather, he didn't know what he could say.

"I'm sure you'll prove to be a lucky man," she finished.

Yuki stood and tossed the paper cup in the wastebasket. "I think I'm going to leave a little early," he said, checking his watch. They were barely halfway through the session.

"O-okay," the doctor said, standing up as well to walk him to the door.

"Doctor," he said, his hand on the door handle. "Thank you."

And with that, Yuki Eiri left her office. The doctor sat back down and placed an elbow on her desk. She let her head drop into her hand and rubbed her forehead with her eyes closed. The two of them definitely still loved each other; perhaps when the whole ordeal was over, _she_ could write a romance novel on the situation. She smiled, and silently wished them luck.

--

It's strange how once something is in print, people tend to believe it. People tend to cast internet sources aside, for something that is actually written in a book with millions of copies printed is much more believable.

This, however, Shuichi Shindo could not believe. This was no small matter. This was unbelievable, unthinkable, inexplainable... and it dawned on him that this was the reason the doctor had given him this particular book. Not because it was her favorite, or because it had the highest reviews. Because of _this._

This. This. This. This. _This_.

He picked up the book from the floor, his hands shaking so violently that he almost dropped it again. He felt a sick feeling in his stomach, like he might throw up, but didn't. He turned back to the page, and read the words again.

**Acknowledgments**

For Shu  
Though you will likely never read this  
This is for you

Shuichi slammed the book shut. Damn it. _Damn it_. If he went so far to print it in a book, then it must be true. Then why the hell did he leave him?

It didn't matter. He felt worse than ever. But instead of feeling sad, or empty, or lonely, he felt... angry. Angry that the doctor had given him that book for this purpose. Angry that Yuki left him, without so much as a word. Angry that Yuki would do something like this, never tell him, and then go against it. Just because they were both men, just because they couldn't be officially recognized as a couple by the government, meant that there was no commitment?

He wanted to throw the book away, rip it into a million pieces, or even burn it. But since it wasn't his, Shuichi couldn't do such a thing.

_"Next stop, Shibuya."_

Despite it not being the last stop, he got off anyway. He wanted fresh air and sunlight, and he wanted to use his legs to burn off some anger and calm himself down. He loved Yuki, and he had been sure that Yuki loved him. So why did he have to hurt him so much?

As he surfaced from the underground tran station, a voice from behind him broke his concentration.

"Huh? Shuichi? What are you doing here?"

**--To Be Continued--**

Next Chapter Preview: Shuichi looked up to the man working there, who was watching him with a disgruntled and impatient look on his face. The man was tall, though not as tall as Hiro, and had black hair. He looked somewhat familiar...

"Aizawa!" Gears started turning in Shuichi's mind. Taki Aizawa, ex-lead singer of ASK, was now serving smoothies at a smoothie bar. Shuichi couldn't do anything but double over and laugh.

**Please Review! Next chapter will be released tomorrow, Thursday, July 24th. Please look forward to it!**


	3. Chapter 3

Author: The Inamorata

Title: Simple Pleasures

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. This is purely fanmade, and was not made for profit of any kind. Do not copy whatsoever.

Summary: Shuichi looked up to the man working there, who was watching him with a disgruntled and impatient look on his face. The man was tall, though not as tall as Hiro, and had black hair. He looked somewhat familiar...

"Aizawa!" Gears started turning in Shuichi's mind. Taki Aizawa, ex-lead singer of ASK, was now serving smoothies at a smoothie bar. Shuichi couldn't do anything but double over and laugh.

Author's Note: I spent the day today sitting in the manga aisle at Borders reading Gravitation, since I haven't read it. I was able to get halfway through volume ten, and let me tell you, there are LOADS of differences, which make my fic not make a whole lot of sense. Though I haven't made it clear before, I'm basing this fanfic off of the Gravitation ANIME, not the MANGA. Sorry for some of you might have been disappointed and/or confused. As always, all reviews (good or bad) are greatly appreciated and will be responded to.

--

**Chapter Three**

"H-Hiro?"

Shuichi turned abruptly upon hearing his best friend and fellow band member's voice. Long red hair framed his face, which was covered in complete confusion. He wore a zip up hoodie, jeans, and sneakers, but looked strangely cleaner than usual. This was clearly explained by the girl who stood beside him, her fingers entwined with his. Ayaka's long brown hair swept beautifully around her, her facial expression somewhat curious.

Shuichi walked up to them so they could talk without shouting over a crowd. He remembered how he had wanted to thank Hiro for referring him to the therapist, but he wasn't sure if he really wanted to do that now. He gripped the book in his hand tighter; he didn't like this situation.

"What are you doing here?" Hiro asked him again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Shuichi replied, ignoring the first question. His voice was tense and stiff, and Hiro noticed.

"You don't sound like it. Why don't you go home and get some rest? You've been working really hard lately."

Shuichi nodded, but didn't move. He wanted to talk to Hiro about everything--the book, what the therapist said, how he was feeling--but he couldn't say anything in front of Ayaka. "I'm fine, really."

Ayaka looked to Hiro, who nodded. "We were just about to get some smoothies at this really good smoothie bar down the street. You can come with us if you want."

Shuichi looked around for a moment before replying. "Okay."

The trio began to walk down the street, maneuvering their way through the crowds of mostly young people. Shuichi tried to hide his face with his hair; surely someone was bound to recognize him in a place like this. Hiro put up his hood, so he did the same, though tufts of his pink hair were surely visible from the front.

"Here it is," Ayaka said, stopping in front of a modern place with a brightly colored sign. Through the windows Shuichi could see an assortment of colors pained on the walls in patterns of all different shapes and sizes. The tables were blue and round and high off the floor with tall, silver stools to accompany them. The main smoothie bar was also blue and silver, and behind the counter the smoothies were being mixed in large glass spheres, each one transparent to see the smoothie that was inside.

"This place looks... kind of awesome." Shuichi and the other two walked inside and up to the counter, observing the different drinks in their bubbles. The bottom of the drink spheres were connected to tubes which led to different pumps, allowing the drinks to be dispensed on their own or mixed with another flavor to make a blend.

"I'll take cherry," Ayaka said without hesitation.

"What flavor do you want, Shuichi?" Hiro asked him. "It's on me."

"Really?!"

"Sure."

"Really, really?!"

"Of course."

"Seriously, really?!"

"Just pick a flavor, the guy's waiting."

Shuichi looked up to the man working there, who was watching him with a disgruntled and impatient look on his face. The man was tall, though not as tall as Hiro, and had black hair. He looked somewhat familiar...

"Aizawa!" Gears started turning in Shuichi's mind. Taki Aizawa, ex-lead singer of ASK, was now serving smoothies at a smoothie bar. Shuichi couldn't do anything but double over and laugh.

Hiro leaned in closer, as if some sort of hidden clue was hidden on the man's face.

"Um, do you have a prob--"

"Oh! It is!" Hiro's mind started adding two and two together. Something must have happened since the incidents where Aizawa tried to sabotage Shuichi and Bad Luck, and now he ended up working at a smoothie bar.

Aizawa leaned closer to Hiro's face to whisper to him. "Make a scene and I swear..."

"No way," Hiro said, holding up his right hand, which was entwined with Ayaka's. "I'm on a date. I won't do anything."

Aizawa lifted an eyebrow and peered over the counter to see Shuichi, who was still laughing around on the floor. "You brought him... on your date?"

"Don't pry where you're not welcome," Hiro said with a contradicting smile on his face. Aizawa backed off.

Shuichi stood up, using the counter of the bar for support. "I'll take... I'll take... strawberry..." he gasped, out of breath.

"Hmph," Aizawa pouted, and turned to fill their glasses. When he was done, Hiro paid, and they took a table near the side window where not a lot of people were walking, so they were less likely to be seen.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Ayaka said, and after taking a long drink from her cherry smoothie she disappeared down a hallway. Once she was out of earshot, Shuichi felt he could talk freely.

"Sorry for barging in on your date like this."

Hiro shook his head. "Don't worry about it, we just didn't expect to see you here. But enough about that--how did it go?"

"Oh, you mean the therapist?" he asked. Hiro nodded.

"It was... okay, I guess," he said, stealing a glance at the book. "I felt better for a while."

"What do you mean, 'for a while'?" Shuichi could see him looking at the book suspiciously.

"It's hard to explain. I'll tell you about it later. Will you call me?"

"Sure." Hiro took a long drink of his banana smoothie. "I'm worried about you... you've changed so much."

Shuichi frowned. "Have I?"

"You used to be so... hyper," he replied. "Now you're just serious all the time."

"Hmm."

"If you ever find him, let me know," he said, and Shuichi knew exactly who he was talking about. A smile crept onto Hiro's face. "I'll kick his ass for you, and make it so he can't leave even if he wants to."

Shuichi tried to laugh, but he didn't find it funny. "Please don't."

"Sorry," he said. "Just trying to cheer you up. Here, try this, it's delicious."

Hiro stuck his banana smoothie under Shuichi's nose, who had no choice but to take the straw between his lips. The slurping sound the straw made was quite obnoxious, but the drink really was delicious.

"Drink yours, before it gets warm and turns brown," he told him. Shuichi complied, and took a sip from his own strawberry drink. The taste lingered with the remaining banana flavor, and left him with a strawberry banana melody.

A flurry of brown hair appeared in the corner of his eye. When he turned to look, it was gone, having turned just around the corner. Suddenly a forehead and two eyes appeared, and Shuichi knew what was going on.

"Don't look now," he told Hiro. "But Ayaka is watching us talk from seven o'clock."

Hiro sighed. "She cares about you, too, you know," he told him. "She... never really got over Eiri, but she accepted that you and him were happy together. She hasn't forgiven him for leaving you. None of us have."

Shuichi felt a swelling sensation in his chest. "Hiro, you and your girlfriend are the best!"

Hiro smiled. "We do what we can."

"Good luck," Shuichi said with a wink. He hoped Hiro caught the implication. "But seriously, you guys have been together for ten years now. Why don't you just get married already?"

Hiro gave a sad smile and looked out the window. "It would be hard on her, what with the band and touring and stuff. I don't want to do that to her; it won't make us happy. I can wait until our career starts to simmer down, then I can settle down as well."

Shuchi nodded. "Makes sense," he said. He looked over at Ayaka briefly, who was still watching them from around the corner. He looked back at Hiro. "I should get going," he said. "Be sure to call me later."

"What about your smoothie?"

He smiled. "I've got it covered." He took the straw out and licked the strawberry cream off of it, then set it on the table. Then he picked up the glass and began to chug.

"What a waste," Hiro said as a line of strawberry drink dribbled down Shuichi's chin.

"Ahh." He wiped his mouth. "That was delicious and refreshing. Thanks."

With that he grabbed the book and made his way towards the door of the cafe. As he pushed it open he turned back to Hiro and shouted, "Don't forget to call me later!" Hiro nodded, and Shuichi was out the door.

--

It felt good to be in the open, fresh air and out of the stuffy therapist's office. Yuki lay in the grass of the park, staring up at the clouds as he smoked a cigarette. The only things he could hear were the distant sounds of traffic, children playing at a nearby playground, water trickling from the fountain, birds chirping, and his own breathing. The sky was a bright blue and nearly bare of clouds, but every once in a while a large fluffy one would pass by. It was a fairly breezy day, and whenever Yuki exhaled the smoke would drift away in a swirling motion before it disappeared completely.

It felt good to be outside.

Yuki thought about what the therapist had said, and what he should do. Confront Shuichi was easier said than done, and he had already sort of tried. He hadn't expected to see him so soon, so he had acted rashly bumped into him. But he chickened out, and let himself be hidden among the crowd. Yuki exhaled; he hadn't felt such a strong feeling of regret for ten years.

**--Several Hours Later--**

The sun had almost completely set by the time Shuichi made it home. He looked up at the building before entering it; the apartment complex that Yuki had chosen. Sure, he had requested to move to a different room with a different floor plan on a different floor, and even though he had been living there on his own for three years without thinking back, so many memories were flooding into him right now.

Shuichi took a deep breath and sprinted. Forgetting about the elevator, he took the stairs. He ran the entire way to his apartment and shoved the key in the lock. He pushed the door open and slammed it behind him, then leaned on it as he tried to catch his breath. He dropped the book to the floor and began to make his way to the bathroom, taking his clothes off piece by piece as he did so and littering them around.

A shower, and a hot one. That's what he needed. The turned the water on to a higher setting than he usually used and waited for it to warm up. Once it was hot enough, he switched it on to the shower setting and stepped inside, letting the scalding water rape his cold skin. It burned, but it felt good; a prickling yet cleansing sensation to his body. He ran his hands through his hair, allowing it to absorb the burning water and let it drip down his face and back in streams. He felt like screaming and shouting to vent his frustration, like pounding and kicking and punching and... crying.

He felt like crying, because all his anger was gone. He was sad, depressed, disappointed, and tired. He missed the way things were before, he hated the way things were now.

He turned off the shower.

He would read the book.

**--To Be Continued--**

Sorry, no preview today! I've decided to completely scrap chapter four and rewrite it from scratch.


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